Monday, December 30, 2013

Meditating on the Rosary, My Journey from the Secular to Religious and the Our Mother's 15 Promises





I always see young men and some girls walking around with Rosary beads hanging from their necks. They are unschooled on what it is, unchurched individuals who have picked up a beautiful Christian weapon and placed it as jewelry around their necks, but if they only new the power that resided in praying the Rosary, their lives would change.For a brief history of the Holy Rosary, view here http://www.theholyrosary.org/rosaryhistory. Our Blessed Mother gave promises for those who meditate on her Rosary faithfully.


FIFTEEN PROMISES OF THE BLESSED VIRGIN
TO CHRISTIANS WHO FAITHFULLY PRAY THE ROSARY
  1. To all those who shall pray my Rosary devoutly, I promise my special protection and great graces.
  2. Those who shall persevere in the recitation of my Rosary will receive some special grace.
  3. The Rosary will be a very powerful armor against hell; it will destroy vice, deliver from sin and dispel heresy.
  4. The rosary will make virtue and good works flourish, and will obtain for souls the most abundant divine mercies. It will draw the hearts of men from the love of the world and its vanities, and will lift them to the desire of eternal things. Oh, that souls would sanctify themselves by this means.
  5. Those who trust themselves to me through the Rosary will not perish.
  6. Whoever recites my Rosary devoutly reflecting on the mysteries, shall never be overwhelmed by misfortune. He will not experience the anger of God nor will he perish by an unprovided death. The sinner will be converted; the just will persevere in grace and merit eternal life.
  7. Those truly devoted to my Rosary shall not die without the sacraments of the Church.
  8. Those who are faithful to recite my Rosary shall have during their life and at their death the light of God and the plenitude of His graces and will share in the merits of the blessed.
  9. I will deliver promptly from purgatory souls devoted to my Rosary.
  10. True children of my Rosary will enjoy great glory in heaven.
  11. What you shall ask through my Rosary you shall obtain.
  12. To those who propagate my Rosary I promise aid in all their necessities.
  13. I have obtained from my Son that all the members of the Rosary Confraternity shall have as their intercessors, in life and in death, the entire celestial court.
  14. Those who recite my Rosary faithfully are my beloved children, the brothers and sisters of Jesus Christ.
  15. Devotion to my Rosary is a special sign of predestination.



When I was a kid my family would pray the Rosary together. It had a lasting effect, I believe that combined with the prayers of my parents, brought me back to the Catholic Church. My life in my teen years was filled with all sorts of debauchery. I remember when I was just about fourteen, I sat on my bed wishing to fit in and had a conversation with God. I was just going to put Him on the shelf for a little while (my exact words, until I get married and have a family) so I could finally make some friends and have some fun. Up to this point I was pretty devout child. I did put Him on the shelf, funny, He was always there when I wanted Him but my prayer life was silent. His beautiful grace fell from me because I willed it away. Looking back, I'm very blessed that I made it through those years. My sins were numerous and in them I had a series of pretty terrible relationships, I smoked cigarettes and pot, I drank, I didn't go to Mass or Confession and very seldom would utter a Hail Mary or an Act of Contrition, although every now and again I did (windows of hope). My parents had no idea just what road I was going down, not because they didn't care but because I was pretty much on top of the temporal things. I had a job, I had friends, I paid my bills, got excellent grades in school. I was well rounded in school, I had a full time job in high school and was a member of peer mediators, we helped people who were in physical fights to work out their problems non-violently. I looked really great on paper. Only God could see the holes being created in my soul. I had a long relationship with a boy while in high school. We were going to get married, but God had other plans and even though I was far away from Him, my will posed the biggest threat to my relationship with this young man. I cheated on him all the time, I couldn't help myself and didn't want to. I realize now if this boy valued me for the person and bearer of life God created me to be, I would've valued myself more. Men have no idea how important it is to respect the body, mind and soul of their women . He ended up finding out and our relationship ended. I ended up in another bad relationship with a man who was into all sorts of heavy drugs, that ended with him coming to my work and trying to steal my jewelry right off my wrist, but not before he helped to create great wedges between myself and my family. After this relationship, I had been offered a well paying job and was on the cusp of my life changing, I was going to the orientation for it and this once I turned my radio off. I prayed a complete heartfelt prayer, Oh God, just send me a nice man, that wants to love me and marry me and I will change my life and live right. I met my husband that day.


Bob and I met on my first day of work. I got his name wrong on several meetings, I never liked the name Bob. I called him Mike, we now have a son named Michael. I couldn't figure out why I liked this guy so much. He wasn't my type, I usually went for Irish boys, he is Italian. I liked my men clean cut, he had a long mullet and facial hair. Truly, this man was stuck in the 80's and I couldn't figure out my attraction for him, to top it off he is eleven years older then me. Lucky for us, relationships were encouraged by our work, several employees met their spouses there and so we started seeing each other. We fell in love, it was real, and it was great. Although when I started this job I uttered that little prayer, I hadn't prayed since, Bob and I got along great and we got engaged eight months after we met. We were planning our wedding, I was still smoking, I was still away from the Sacraments, I was still far away from God. Bob had some funny symptoms, he always had a runny nose, got night sweats and was losing a LOT of weight. He had a tumor that had grown out of nowhere on his neck. He refused to go to the doctors, everyone said, don't worry Bob, it's probably nothing. I didn't accept that, it was definitely something. I threatened to leave him if he didn't go to the hospital. It turned out he had stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma. We consulted with the woman who would become his oncologist, she said that had he waited he would've been pushing up the daisies. He needed to start Chemo right away. She told us we wouldn't have children unless we did IVF, that sent up a big red flag for me. I knew, even though I wasn't practicing my faith, Catholics don't believe in that. I didn't fully understand the teaching at the time but knew we couldn't do that. We talked about it, Bob and I, and we declined. That was when I started to pray the Rosary, that was when I found myself sitting in the back of church at Mass.

The Rosary was easy for me, I remembered it all because my father and mother had us pray it as a family often. My dad is a daily Mass goer and always has his Rosary beads in his hand. Regardless of what he's doing, he prays the Rosary constantly. I never understood it, at times I was embarrassed by it, I totally get it now. So I started praying the Rosary again. I prayed to St. Pio for intercession as well, being that I had made a pilgrimage to his monastery with my mom when I was a kid. I asked for healing for Bob in my prayers. At first it was just me reciting the prayers, but something drew me deeper and deeper into the Mysteries. I found myself reflecting on the events in the life of Christ, I did this mostly in the car. My rides never had the radio on anymore, instead I would pray the Rosary, out loud and in the words I found my mind wondering over the Joyful, Sorrowful and Glorious Mysteries. I was away from praying for so long I had no idea there were Luminous Mysteries to reflect on. In saying the words I found myself really meditating and truly contemplating on the events I was announcing at the beginning of each decade. I started to grow an understanding of the mysteries that had eluded me my whole early life.








I prayed, and finally like I said I decided to go to Mass. I was actually really excited the Sunday I was going to Mass for the first time after being away for so long. I got all dressed up, I still do for Sunday Mass. I got to church, I knew how to go to Mass, bless yourself with Holy Water when entering, genuflect to the Tabernacle, enter the pew and kneel down and say a prayer. I did all this, I was feeling like a pro! Then Mass started and although I remembered all the prayers and maybe my heart prayed them, I remained silent and observed everything. The Gospel was the Prodigal Son, how fitting for me, I sobbed. I really hoped no one noticed. At the preparation of the gifts, I had this epiphany of what was about to take place. After the Hosanna I knelt down with everyone else, I was bawling my eyes out and was feeling very sheepish, I really hoped no one would notice. I was in the pew crying my eyes out, filled with understanding of the Mass and overwhelming sadness, I couldn't receive the Blessed Sacrament! I wanted to so badly but I couldn't. I just knelt there and prayed. I prayed for myself, for healing for Bob, I made a spiritual Communion, it was the most moving experience of my life to that point. I knew I needed Penance. That is a blog all by itself. I went to confession the very next day. I received absolution, I did my penance ( the penance was small in comparison to the massive sins I had committed, again that is a blog all by itself). I went to Mass the following Sunday, I received Communion, I wept. It was awesome.


That is my journey home to the Catholic Church. I never formally left, I never joined any other religion, I always knew it was the truth and honestly for a long while I was guilty of the sin of presumption. Until that diagnosis for my fiance was given, my life was material, cold and very secular. Our Blessed Mother and the Holy Rosary has been a practice of mine for the past several years. I pray it everyday, for all sorts of things. Fifteen minutes of meditation has brought me inner and outer peace. I have overcome vice, sexual vice, smoking and biting my nails. I don't have any of these vices anymore. I don't have any vices at all to speak of. I have a huge understanding of the the life of Christ that my family marvels at. I have an understanding of His life in such a way that it is completely infused. I can quote the Bible in context with that infused understanding even though I have never been a theologian or a Biblical scholar. If my conversion wasn't enough, coming back to the Sacraments so fully is a testament to our Mother's promises, that is truly the most merciful part. I know without the Rosary and the Sacraments my marriage wouldn't have lasted. Our honeymoon was a pilgrimage to Italy. Many unexplained events have happened to us since then. My husband has fully recovered from cancer, we have 3 beautiful babies on Earth, one inutero,and 3 in Heaven interceding for us. I am a stay at home mom, my husband is a mechanic. We make ends meet even when it seems impossible. I even have a better understanding of the tapestry God is creating of my life. His will is most important to me. I regret the years I was away, but know that if I had been devout my whole life, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. Everything, even our poorest decisions happen for a reason. I am walking proof the Rosary works. Meditating is scientifically proven to bring peace, what's better then meditating on God and His earthly life. My Mother in Heaven I converse with everyday. I can't sleep without our daily conversation about her Son. She has brought me closer to Jesus. Every prayer I have prayed since coming back to the church and praying the Rosary has been answered and I am so totally undeserving of God's graces and favors. I would encourage everyone to pray the Rosary. It changes you. I worry about nothing. I have some of the best friends in Heaven anyone could have, St.Therese the Little Flower, St.Anthony, St.Michael, St.Francis, St.Elizabeth Seton, St.Dominic Savio, St.Pio (he keeps finding me), our Blessed Mother and our good Lord. I have intimate relationships with all these. They are always coming to my aid. I can't wait to make more friends in Heaven. So far, they are the ones who hear and answer me regularly.

Pray the Rosary, our Mother keeps her promises. I am walking, talking, blogging, living proof. My conversion is daily and ongoing. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I love you, save souls!







Saturday, December 21, 2013

Mortal or Venial?

   My husband and I went to dinner last night. It was late, we both were tired and after our Christmas festivities we were all ham and lasagna'ed  out. So after giving the kids some leftovers, we had my parents watch them while we went out.

He didn't want steak, I didn't want Italian so we hoped to go to The Cheesecake Factory. When we got there it was an hour wait. We decided not to wait and went across to another bar and grill where we were seated right away. The restaurant was empty. Our server came over after a bit to take our drink order and appetizers. We both got a soda and French onion soup. A few minutes later when our drinks arrived our order was taken. Pretty typical of any restaurant, but from there it all changed.

The soup was hot and good and fifteen to twenty minutes later our food arrived. The server (not our server) practically threw our food at us and after dropping it, my husband asked for another Coke. She came back a few minutes later with a diet but asked before dropping it if it was correct, we both said no. So she came back with the regular and slammed it down in front of him. At this point, we started on our meals, my fish & chips was freezing , so was his chicken pot pie. There was no ketchup for the fries and since this waitress was so harsh, I figured, I would just wait for our server to stop by and ask him for the condiment. We were both willing to let our not so hot food slide. He never came back to us, he walked by to his other tables a few times, but even after me saying excuse me and making eye contact with him he never came to our table. I got my own ketchup from the server station, while two waitresses watched me with angry looks. I said thank you on my way back to the table. After twenty minutes of waiting for him, I finally went to the host stand and asked to see the manager. He came by our table promptly and we told him how our server had not come back by our table, the meals were cold and I had gotten my own ketchup. He said he would take the fish & chips off the bill. He was really nice, offered us dessert on the house (we declined), and then said he would be back with the bill. We waited. Bob had his credit card out, I was getting my coat on and we waited, and waited, our server never walked by our table, manager never came back. No one was at the host stand. Forty five minutes went by, and so we left. We paid no bill, left no tip but walked out, got in our car and left. My coat is red, I looked like a waddling pregnant target briskly walking up the parking lot, scared we were going to get arrested. I felt so bad leaving without paying.

I called the restaurant this afternoon to relate my story and pay for our meals. Both my husband and I lost sleep due to our chewing and screwing. I spoke to Sean, the manager, and told him everything that happened, and he refused to accept our money and asked us back to the restaurant any Friday thru Sunday for a meal. My last words to him, I really don't want to go to hell over fish & chips. He had a good laugh and so did I. I wonder, is this mortal or venial? I would love to read your thoughts.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Merry Christmas, From Me and My Drum

  I have never blogged before. I'm completely new at this but really wanted to give it a try. So this is my first post and here I am. Since it's Christmas, not the PC holiday time, but truly Christmas time, I thought I would write about the song that has touched my heart every year since finding myself back to being a practicing Catholic, "The Little Drummer Boy", This song gets me every time I hear it and it all starts with the verse
                                 

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum 
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum 
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum 
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum, 
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, 

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum, 
On my drum? 

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum 
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum 
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum 
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum, 
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, 

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum 
Me and my drum.

My four year old daughter always points out to me, "Mama, you're crying" and since we are usually in the car listening to Christmas Music, and she can't really see my face, I usually say "no, I'm not", but recently I have started owning it. I decided it's good to cry, especially when it's because something is touching your heart. I have really started thinking about just what it is, with this verse, that makes me weep. I have come to the conclusion, the little drummer boy is someone I long to be. He goes to the Manger with nothing but his raw talent and shows our dear Lord the talent that He, Himself, granted to him. I wonder, how often have I neglected the talents God has given me? How many times I had the opportunity to "play" for our God, to entertain Him with the beautiful gifts He has given to me, only to have squandered them foolishly, as I so often did before returning to the faith. Oh, the gifts He gave me and the how I used them so terribly. 

I cry from regret, but not just regret, also longing. I wonder am I playing my best for Him now? The talents and blessings that He has so heavily heaped upon me, a nobody, do I play my best for Him now? I try, I know that's all I can do. I know that in the past seven years Mary has nodded and He has smiled at me. I am not a poor boy, I am a poor girl. I recognize who I am in His sight. How truly beautiful, the King of all creation came to us so humbly, lived among us not as a somebody, but as a nobody. He died and was buried as a pauper, for me, and rose again as the King of all. Dear Jesus, I hope I play my best for you. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS



composed by Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati and Harry Simeone in 1958.


Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
When we come.

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,
On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.