A Christmas Prayer and New Year Resolution

I'm not a very even temper. I'm the mood swinging sort, apparently. I have tasks in my own mind that I've GOT TO GET DONE! My mood is constantly changing; my mind always going, planning and working. It's a daily vicious cycle. It has plagued me, so far, my whole mommy life. It's my most important job. I'm missing a few beats. My estimation of mommy is flawed. My own mom was the best; a tender shepherdess, gentle, creative, soft in her demeanor, a great teacher, very patient. My shortcomings are apparent. I want to be my mother, for all her meekness and humility. I have so many flaws.

My kids bear the brunt, of course, everything I do is for them, and I have to get it done. We have to go here, there and everywhere. Angelene must learn to read, I don't want her to be behind, the house must be cleaned. All the kids need teaching. The laundry needs washing and folding. Someone said it only takes 15 minutes to keep the house up once clean....Ah yeah right! It is a vicious cycle and I've got to get it done. I need to do the shopping, the library, the bank, the gas station, dance, I've go to get it done. I STRESS about not getting it done with the heavy feeling in my chest and my 5 minute prior peace is shattered with the stress. Coloring, reading, manners, laudry, cleaning, shopping, repeat. Yet I still stress. We are in the routine now, and yet, I'm still worried, I have to get it done........IT ALWAYS DOES!

I SURRENDER! Here is my prayer, to have more faith, to give more love, to be meek. To emulate that quality I see so prevalent in my mother. My Christmas intention, my New Year resolution, I give up control. I have none anyway, it's all an illusion. I will not be disturbed about to day or my future. God has the control. I am giving my anxiety and effort to God. I'm no longer going to push. If the bible really tells us 365 times, it at least says it once "Do not be afraid". Everything will get done, God is in control.

This is my Christmas prayer. To succeed in my resolution. To give it up to the good Lord, as all the good Irish Catholics say "offer it up". Let the effort be His. What I have to do will be accomplished when it needs to be, in His time. This anxiety needs self mastery. I can only do what God allows me too. That should be sufficient for today.

Pray for my success, please.

Merry Christmas

Blessed New Year.

My Boys Will Be Boys

When I was in the seventh grade, the smartest girl in school (happened to be my good friend) wanted to be my partner for the Science Fair. I was so excited, I might finally receive a ribbon. She thought gender identity would be a good topic and so we presented it to our teacher and after receiving her OK, we set about doing the research. At that time, it was all beyond me; I really didn't understand what exactly we were supposed to be doing. My partner made a board with pictures of toys and just general interests items, of what girls and boy would like, to conduct our experiment. We researched brain, size and aptitude for both male and females and then we did our experiment. 

Our experiment consisted of calling a few boys and a few girls from Kindergarten and up to 8th grade study the board for about a minute and then report back what items on the board they remembered. It was fun! All the results from every one who participated were logged and then we did our report on gender identity based on the results of our experiment. It wasn't anything overly groundbreaking; I believe we won second or third place (We got a ribbon!!). The boys reported remembering boy items! I know unbelievable, right? The girls remembered the girl items. Both boys and girls remembered gender neutral items like a school bus. Our hypothesis was gender identity was hardwired into the brain. We should've won first place, in my opinion. Amazing a seventh grade science experiment placed boys and girls in different categories. Boys liked different things then the girls did. Not one boy remembered the hair brush or ribbon, they all remembered the football helmet and the firetruck. It was very interesting, I didn't even realize how compelling this was then, but I do now.  

We have made the decision to homeschool our children.  A lot of our reasoning is due to the definite blur of gender lines in public schools and the curriculum issues that have cropped up in the past ten,fifteen years. My son, Michael, is all boy from the first noises he made, boy noises, grunting, car sounds. Francis is still too young to really judge his disposition, but I'm guessing he will be right in line with Michael. If you sit on the floor for even just a second, Michael comes right over and tries to take you down. He may even be a great wrestler someday. He truly has a sweet disposition, he tends to gaze at everyone under his super long eyelashes. He is shy and sweet but loud and obnoxious all at the same time. I wouldn't change him for the world. He loves planes, trains, helicopters and automobiles. He is a boy, energetic and amazing. He doesn't have energy issues, he is just a boy. He is always on the move, and very destructive. He loves to rip apart his train table, I think it brings him joy to rip it apart and watch me put it back together again. He has an appetite neither of his older sisters can touch. He is predisposed to love junk food, the girls would never think of touching. He is all boy. 

I know if I sent my sons to school the boy would be taken right out of them. That's what they do now, they put our boys on meds because they have too much energy. They say they are discipline issues because they like to rough house, they're boys, it's hardwired into them. He would be told not to wrestle, play tag, or make gun shapes with his fingers and say bang bang. He'd be told he can't play cops and robbers or God forbid, cowboys and Indians, someone could get hurt.

 I feel it is very important for Michael and Francis to be boys. I can't wait to encourage their play. To watch them be superheros and GI Joes. I can't wait for them to bring me home a frog or even worms just because they're boys and they like slimy things. I can't wait to see them evolve into men. Men who need a woman to smooth out their rough boy edges, because I'm going to let my boys be boys. I think more parents should encourage their boys to be real, Peter Pan style boys........Have you seen that movie lately?

The World Is Going On

I frequent Facebook, daily. I enjoy reading my friends updates and I love the posts on the Catholic Faith. I love my never ending supply of Catholic opinion blogs and Pro-Life news. I enjoy chatting and getting to know people, without Facebook, I wouldn't have the pleasure of knowing at all. Regularly, my news feed is bombarded with images of violence, or parents who did or are doing horrific things to their children, animals starved or beaten, war torn areas of the world, plane crashes with bodies strewn about, agenda's that I am neither for or against. The images that I see are forever etched in my mind and heart. Some of the stories I've unsuspectingly read have caused me to all out cry daily about the state of our world in general. I want to surround myself with beautiful images, stories of courage and bravery but yet monsters and monstrous images cloud my news and make it hard to see the beauty.

I am the proud mommy of 4 beautiful children on Earth and a few in Heaven. These beautiful kids drive me crazy,  brighten my day, give me a huge purpose and make me want great things both in their lives and in the world for them. I don't think my kids will ever know the world as it was even just 20 years ago, things are changing so fast. There was a time when kids just played without play dates, or could eat chips and drink a coke and think nothing of it. Those days are gone. There was a time when people sat down to a meal both at home or out and there were no cell phones in sight, they weren't even a thing yet, and people would talk to each other. Those days are gone. There was a time when you wouldn't be bombarded with horrors, wondering where the beauty was, because we didn't have hand held computer systems continuously feeding us these awful visions and stories that can't be unseen or unread. Those days are gone. It's hard not to incur a jaded view of life when you see these things so clearly and continuously. Sick curiosity causes you to click open a news story better left unread due to the sad, sick and most times gruesome subject matter. Most of us know and understand that our media, both left and right, is playing a role in brainwashing or leading us astray from real truths. Is it any wonder we sickly click on a story that really doesn't need be read by a wholesome soul, because we are looking for the information our news media doesn't say, won't say and are paid to keep hidden from us.






Getting back to my 4 beautiful babies, well each one of them is the sunshine on my soul. They show me the light of Christ, every day. They haven't yet invested in that jaded view coming from social media. They don't even understand the purpose of it at all, except that mommy posts pictures to it. I had a discussion with a friend after Mass the other day, she was talking about the horrors being faced by Israel, how Tel Aviv is burning, all the sins committed daily in our world, and acceptance of all sorts of atrocities, she wonders what is going to happen because something has got to give. I looked over at my little son, Michael, happily running around and I said to her, that all will glorify God in the end. That eventually, a mass awakening will bring about a global change and that good will conquer. I feel this way because God has given me so many beautiful blessings, especially since I wasn't supposed to have any children and here I am with 4 beauties. Things will change, and it will change for them. They may even be a part of that change, but regardless of how much worse it gets, all will glorify God in the end. I can't control what comes across my news feed. I can control what I choose to allow my senses to take in. The less violent and horrific the better. I want to look for the beauty today and I find that reflected in the eyes of my children. God blessed me with them. The world is surely going on.

Motherhood: Who I am, How To Overcome my Shortcomings

A new friend of mine recently posted a link and I was completely enthralled by the article, The Four Temperaments, which list them out and give characteristics, both strengths and weaknesses from each one, sanguine, choleric, melancholic and phlegmatic. I had never actually heard much about this subject, I've heard of personality types and all that, but temperaments fitting into a neat little box made me wonder exactly who I was. So after reading the article and finding myself identified quite well in all the temperaments but not really matching one in particular, I was curious where I would be placed if I took a test of some kind. I went searching and found a The 4 Temperaments Test and The Four Temperaments (pen and paper test). The first identifies your main temperament, the second helps you to pick out your underlying temperaments that add to who you are. No one is a pure temperament, we all have characteristics that come from these four temperaments but one of them will be our most predominant temperament. After taking these two tests I found out I am of a choleric temperament. This predisposition makes me aggressive and angry, prideful and vain and a whole lot of not so wonderful. It sounds so great when you read about it in a secular sense. For some reason the secular only gives you the positives, like this one, taken from Wikipedia, 

Choleric[edit]

The choleric temperament is traditionally associated with fire. People with this temperament tend to be egocentric and extroverted. They may be excitable, impulsive, and restless, with reserves of aggression, energy, and/or passion, and try to instill that in others. [14][15] They tend to be task-oriented people and are focused on getting a job done efficiently; their motto is usually "do it now." They can be ambitious, strong-willed and like to be in charge. They can show leadership, are good at planning, and are often practical and solution-oriented.[14] They appreciate receiving respect and esteem for their work.[16] Pedagogically, they can be best reached through mutual respect and appropriate challenges that recognize their capacities.

There is nothing majorly wrong with being choleric according to Wikipedia or to any other secular source. We live in a perfect world, with perfect people and there is no room to improve or repair any part of us. Right? Well, when you read about a choleric temperament on a religious site such as, Catholic Family News, there is a lot that needs improving, as does all the other temperaments. For instance this is the choleric temperament from the Catholic Family News Site 

3) Choleric temperament. Persons of a choleric temperament are easily and strongly aroused, and the impression lasts for a long time. Theirs is the temperament which produces great saints or great sinners, and while all the temperaments can be utilized as material for sanctity, it seems that the largest number of canonized saints possessed a choleric temperament.

The good qualities of the temperament can be summarized as follows: great energy and activity; sharp intellect; strong and resolute will; good powers of concentration; constancy; magnanimity; and liberality. Choleric persons are practical rather than theoretical; they are more inclined to work than to think. Inactivity is repugnant to them, and they are always looking forward to the next labor or to the formulation of some great project. Once they have set upon a plan of work, they immediately set their hand to the task. Hence this temperament produces many lead ers, superiors, apostles. It is the temperament of government and administration.

These persons do not leave for tomorrow what they can do today, but sometimes they may try to do today what they should leave for tomorrow. If difficulties or obstacles arise, they immediately set about to overcome them, and, although they often have strong movements of irascibility and impatience in the face of problems, once they have conquered these movements they acquire a tenderness and sweetness of disposition which are noteworthy. The saints who possessed a choleric temperament are numerous, but we shall mention only St. Paul, St. Jerome, St. Ignatius Loyola, St. Francis de Sales.

The tenacity of the choleric temperament sometimes produces the following evil effects: hardness, obstinacy, insensibility, anger and pride. If choleric persons are resisted, they may easily become violent, cruel, arrogant, unless the Christian virtues moderate these inclinations. If defeated by others, they may nurture hatred in their hearts until they have obtained their vengeance. They easily become ambitious and seek their own glory. They have greater patience than do the sanguine, but they may lack delicacy of feeling, are often insensitive to the feelings of others, and therefore lack tact in human relations. Their passions, when aroused, are so strong and impetuous that they smother the more tender emotions and the spirit of sacrifice which springs spontaneously from more sympathetic hearts. Their fever for activity and their eagerness to execute their resolutions cause them to dis regard others, to thrust all impediments aside, and to give the appearance of being heartless egoists. In their treatment of others they sometimes display a coldness and indifference which reaches the point of cruelty. The only rights which they acknowledge are the satisfaction and attainment of their desires. It is evident from the foregoing that, if the choleric person pursues the path of evil, there is no length to which he will not go in order to achieve his goal. 

Choleric persons can be individuals of great worth if they succeed in controlling and guiding their energies. They could arrive at the height of perfection with relative facility. In their hands even the most difficult tasks seem to be brought to an easy and ready solution. Therefore, when they have themselves under control and are rightly directed, they will not cease in their efforts until they have reached the summit. They must be taught to keep themselves under the reins of self-mastery, not to act with precipitation, but to mistrust their first inclinations. Above all, they need to cultivate true humility of heart, to be compassionate to the weak and the uninstructed, not to humiliate or embarrass others, not to exert their own superiority, and to treat all persons with tenderness and understanding. In a word, they should be taught how to be detached from self and to manifest a generous love toward others. 

                                            St.Ignatius Loyola, a choleric personality, just like me 

St.Ignatius of Loyola, also a choleric personality type, cultivated the virtues so well, he was thought to be a phlegmatic temperament instead of the fiery one he was blessed with. I wonder how he accomplished overcoming his failings so well with so many hard traits to get passed. Ugh! There is so much of me that needs improving. All the temperament faults listed for the choleric temperament I exhibit, except for the hatred and vengeful part, I am neither of those. I'm quick to be angry, I'm hard and obstinate, I'm arrogant (I like to pat myself on the back for a job well done) just ask my husband who regularly listens to me toot my own horn in the kitchen when I cook. So I exhibit all these awful character flaws and I need to work on changing them. 

I look at myself as a mother, and I wonder what I project onto my children. Today, as we do everyday, I prayed a Rosary with my babies at three thirty in the afternoon. I was very irritated by my daughter, Angelene. We had a series of issues today with her behavior, she wouldn't clean up her room. She was mean to her baby sister and brother, criticized how I made her bed even though she should've made it herself and then criticized how I changed the baby because he almost fell off the now very high changing table. That last little dig was in the middle of the second Joyful Mystery and was enough to push me over the edge. I sent her, very angerly, to her room and told her she would be there for the rest of the day but she'd better continue to pray that Rosary loud enough for me to hear her. She complied. She sat nicely in her bed and said each and every Hail Mary for the rest of the Visitation and of the Birth of our Lord, very loud and very beautifully. My heart was still feeling hard toward her, as I stood in the door and listened and prayed with her. My intention was that something would touch me and soften my very cruel feelings toward my little girl. When we got to the fourth Joyful Mystery, the Presentation, I asked my 2 year old, Christine, to lead it. Angelene, sat in her bed quietly as Christine prayed her decade aloud, she made no answer to the Our Father or Hail Mary and my blood was boiling! Then I looked at her little face sitting there in her bed, she was sobbing, she was so upset that she wasn't able to lead the Hail Mary. My whole being was filled with the love for her. Such a beautiful child, my little girl is! For all her misbehavior today, are the most important part of the Rosary for her, at this point. She adores the Hail Mary! I never noticed this before, and it was exactly what I needed to soften my heart. It came to me just when I needed it, in the prayer that I rely on the most in my day, aside from the Mass. 

Needless to say, I have a lot to work on. Angelene, after this epiphany was allowed to leave her room after we finished the Rosary. I might've been a bit hard on her, but in prayer I asked our Lord to soften my heart to her and right away it was granted. I'm a firm believer in ask and you shall receive! I really have received so much from my prayers, especially the Holy Rosary. Today's post wasn't going to be focused on me and my family, but how to overcome my shortcomings and failings. I have so many defects that I should learn to start asking with more fervor to overcome them. I have not yet been denied any of my requests when asking through the Holy Rosary. Some of my intentions take longer to achieve, but I have yet to be denied a single request. I really do exhibit almost all the evils of the choleric personality type, but in truth overcoming them is just a Rosary away. 

There are no perfect people, not me, not my kids, not my husband or anyone else. We all have shortcomings and failings. We all have defects, some are more predominant then others, but we all have them. There were only two perfect people created, our Blessed Lord and our Blessed Mother and her perfection stems from the child she bore. Every time we call on her, she calls on Him. He denies her nothing! Figuring out your temperament is the hard part. Trusting in God to help us overcome our shortcomings is the easy part if we let it. Use the Rosary, pray it daily, it works.