A Christmas Prayer and New Year Resolution

I'm not a very even temper. I'm the mood swinging sort, apparently. I have tasks in my own mind that I've GOT TO GET DONE! My mood is constantly changing; my mind always going, planning and working. It's a daily vicious cycle. It has plagued me, so far, my whole mommy life. It's my most important job. I'm missing a few beats. My estimation of mommy is flawed. My own mom was the best; a tender shepherdess, gentle, creative, soft in her demeanor, a great teacher, very patient. My shortcomings are apparent. I want to be my mother, for all her meekness and humility. I have so many flaws.

My kids bear the brunt, of course, everything I do is for them, and I have to get it done. We have to go here, there and everywhere. Angelene must learn to read, I don't want her to be behind, the house must be cleaned. All the kids need teaching. The laundry needs washing and folding. Someone said it only takes 15 minutes to keep the house up once clean....Ah yeah right! It is a vicious cycle and I've got to get it done. I need to do the shopping, the library, the bank, the gas station, dance, I've go to get it done. I STRESS about not getting it done with the heavy feeling in my chest and my 5 minute prior peace is shattered with the stress. Coloring, reading, manners, laudry, cleaning, shopping, repeat. Yet I still stress. We are in the routine now, and yet, I'm still worried, I have to get it done........IT ALWAYS DOES!

I SURRENDER! Here is my prayer, to have more faith, to give more love, to be meek. To emulate that quality I see so prevalent in my mother. My Christmas intention, my New Year resolution, I give up control. I have none anyway, it's all an illusion. I will not be disturbed about to day or my future. God has the control. I am giving my anxiety and effort to God. I'm no longer going to push. If the bible really tells us 365 times, it at least says it once "Do not be afraid". Everything will get done, God is in control.

This is my Christmas prayer. To succeed in my resolution. To give it up to the good Lord, as all the good Irish Catholics say "offer it up". Let the effort be His. What I have to do will be accomplished when it needs to be, in His time. This anxiety needs self mastery. I can only do what God allows me too. That should be sufficient for today.

Pray for my success, please.

Merry Christmas

Blessed New Year.